The thirteenth lojong slogan says, “Be grateful to everyone.” And yes, this has two sides. Next week I’ll talk about the positive, because what better way to finish our Soul Ninja posts before the new year!

First, let’s talk about those people we feel less grateful for- our Juans and Juanitas, we could say, who push our buttons. The co-worker who drives us crazy. The family member we most hope doesn’t sit next to us at the table. That one student from high school/college we just hated. Yes, those people. How can they make us grateful?

Pema Chodron says, “Others will always show you exactly where you are stuck… Without others provoking you, you remain ignorant of your painful habits and cannot train in transforming them into the path of awakening.”

We usually tend to think of others as a thorn in our side. But really, we are the thorn. They just help reveal where the thorn is located.

Really, this slogan and the one before it (“drive all blames into one”) invite us to remember the same point: we are not isolated islands of righteousness and purity. If we got rid of everyone, we wouldn’t be perfect. We’d be just as flawed. Only now, we’d have no one to help us point out our ignorance!

So many Buddhist stories tell of teachers who have invited truly annoying people to come live at the monastery, just to rattle everyone. (I always wonder, “Does this person know they’re taking this job?! How does that feel?!” I don’t know, unfortunately.) What we do know is that eventually, they don’t need the agitating person anymore. They begin to realize the true agitation comes from within them.

So, this week, consider making a list of people that bother you, and then ponder what they might have taught you. What did you learn because of this tension or frustration?

Be grateful to everyone.