This post is part of the Paramita Project where I’m practicing one quality every month for ten months. This month I’m practicing how to be generous. You can learn more here and read my first post on generosity here. 

Halfway through my month of practicing generosity, here’s something I’ve noticed: it’s much easier for me to offer generosity than receive it. So far, my favorite moments have been the opportunities I’ve had to buy a friend something they wanted, or treat friends to dinner, or leave a big tip. One day I just went around smiling broadly at everybody and I felt so full of joy all day. What an easy thing to do! I’ve even had some success at offering myself generosity, whether that’s when my mind is a tangled mess during meditation or when I had a day of dumpster-worthy writing.

Offering generosity–at my discretion–is a pretty pleasant practice. But what I’m trying to practice is abundant, overflowing generosity. I’m not trying to dole it out; I’m trying to learn what it’s like to live in it fully. And that means generosity can’t possibly be complete when it’s primarily one-way.

There is an ebb and flow to generosity. Focusing on it flowing through me while not allowing it to flow to me denies its presence and power. Perhaps there’s no better way to practice generosity than to receive it as the gift it is.

I think many of us feel most comfortable being in the driver’s seat of generosity. We love to be cheerful givers, but we’re not so great at being cheerful receivers. Sometimes this is because we don’t feel we deserve it on some level. Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism for not wanting to owe someone in return. (It’s worth remembering that true generosity has no interest in returns anyway.) I’ve tried to consider why I feel this way and I think it’s because I feel I’ve received too much already, and I hesitate to take more than my share. Someone offers me something and I want to say, “Oh no really, I’m okay! I’ve got plenty!” Some of this is right and just; I can and should pass along the abundance of generosity I’ve been given to others. But I’m also learning to pause and see every offer of generosity as a gift in all directions.

True generosity always pays it forward. (Remember, it’s a creative, creating force.) But before we can pay it forward, we have to receive it fully and gratefully. And actually, as we pay it forward, it’s important to recognize that we can do so only because it’s already been given to us–by family and friends, by the abundance of oxygen in the atmosphere, by the light of the sun and the pull of the moon. We exist because of the generosity of the universe, and thrive because of the generosity of those who love us and support us. We exist because of our ancestors, who made it possible for us to exist at all.

Here’s something else: When we are open to receive a gift of generosity, we’re also opening up a space for the giver to experience joy. And that joy is transformative. It is contagious. It’s beautiful. It will do this world good.  It’s greedy not to want others to experience that. Imagine if even 25% of people on this planet experienced that joy today, and what it might do for our tomorrow.

As I round the corner halfway through this month, I’m trying to take myself out of the equation a little more and just let myself get lost in the flow and goodness of generosity. When I find myself thinking what I can give, I stop first and ponder the great mystery of what I’ve been given. I give thanks. I smile. And I remember that the greatest gift of generosity is that it makes us consciously aware of the connection between us all, which is holy and reverent and worth treating with utmost respect and kindness. When we act on that connection with love, life flourishes for everyone.

So: if last week you practiced giving generously, consider practicing receiving generously this week. Take time to remember when someone has been generous to you. Take time to notice the acts of generosity that are happening all around you–beautiful acts that have nothing to do with you at all. Get caught up in the ebb and flow of it, and see where it takes you.