It’s really that simple: don’t be selfish. The tenth lojong slogan tells us to begin the sequence of taking and sending with ourselves. And as I said in the last post, that means offering ourselves compassion. It means, especially for us right now, giving ourselves an enormous amount of gentleness and kindness.

The reason we begin here is because if we don’t feel secure in ourselves, we will simply not serve anyone well, including ourselves. What happens is we become selfish.

Selfishness comes from a place of lack. We act selfishly when we feel we don’t have something we need, or that we don’t have enough of what we need to fear losing it easily. Selfishness is a particularly destructive form of anxiety and fear.

So if we want to live well within our own skin, we cultivate a deep sense of enough-ness. Buddhists call this basic human goodness. People of faith call it original blessing or the image of God. What it means is that there is something noble and worthy at the center of our souls, and it is unshakeable. It is not in danger of being lost. It remains steadfast, and accessible, always.

When we root there, we respond with gratitude, and generosity, and compassion, not selfishness.

And yes, I mean toward others. But this also goes for our own inner life. That horrible critic that lives in your head? That relentless nagging perfectionist? The doomsday reporter? Those are voices of anxiety, steeped in wavering emotions and conjectures. And they will eventually lead you to a state of the heart called selfishness.

Selfishness pulls us back into a very, very small world. We become defenders of our own sad little kingdoms. We become isolated, and belligerent. That golden rule of treating others the way we want to be treated? No, in selfishness we treat others as threats. Traleg Kyabgon says this slogan invites us to constantly think, “May I have the power to go beyond this solipsistic state of self-absorption and engage with others.”

I love that this slogan lands on Thanksgiving week. Especially during this pandemic. We have a lot to feel defensive about, to be honest. This year stinks! But also: what might be born, what new tradition or experience might arise in this void? In a holiday that often feels the same year after year, how can we receive this opportunity to make it more meaningful?

If we hold that void with compassion and not selfishness, I dare say something really beautiful might come to fruition. Beautiful things happen when we simply practice this one thing: don’t be selfish.