Begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself. This is our tenth lojong slogan.

As you remember, sending and taking is called tonglen practice. We take in the suffering of the world, and in its place we send love, peace, and well wishes. It is a difficult practice to do, and to hold.

Which is why this slogan offers a very, very important bit of insight: we can’t send and take a thing to others if we don’t first do it for ourselves. Consider this the “put your own oxygen mask on first” slogan of mind training.

And honestly, isn’t that such a relief? Often, when someone says “begin with yourself” it means we have to start the hard work in our own hearts first. That’s partially true here, but really, the purpose behind it is to learn that we deserve compassion also. We can treat ourselves gently, and graciously, and generously. And, wonder upon wonders, when we do, we actually find that we might even have more spaciousness to offer others.

But we must begin with ourselves. We begin by taking our own pain seriously, and our own happiness, too.

When you feel sadness, grief, anger, frustration, exhaustion, send yourself love. Send compassion, kindness. Mother yourself, which is to say, wrap yourself up in a warm blanket and eat a warm cookie and feel like even if it’s not ok you are loved.

We have ALL had an impossibly difficult year. Yes, the details differ, but we’ve shared a collective experience of overwhelm. If there ever was a time to be gentle, gentle, gentle with ourselves, it is right now, dear ones. We feel tired and sad and just absolutely at the end of the rope. Bless our hearts.

Recognize your own suffering today. First, because it’s valid, full stop, and it deserves your benevolent attention. And also, as Judy Lief says, “Seeing clearly the nature of your own suffering is a way to understand more clearly the suffering of others.” Connecting to self compassion WILL really be of great benefit all around.

Where can you offer yourself compassion today?