The 23rd lojong slogan teaches, “Change your attitude, but remain natural.” Even as we’re seeking to train our minds, we don’t need to look for confirmation outside of ourselves. And we especially don’t want to fake it, as if we’re working to show off our progress. Instead, we can just remain natural.
Traleg Kyabgon summarizes quite simply, “Whether others perceive us as different or not is irrelevant; our transformation needs to be an internal one.” Don’t try to be special, or act like you’re “set apart” somehow. The more you do this work, the more you just become okay with yourself. No playing games, no putting on airs. Eventually, we hold a lot less tension about how others see us. We stop trying to manipulate whether others recognize our results. It’s like at first, we walk around after meditating wondering, “Can you tell I meditated this morning? Can’t you see how calm I am in this meeting?” But eventually, it’s just what you do. No bicep flexing needed. No outer affirmation.
I’ve noticed the most spiritually mature people I know are also the most grounded. They don’t act like anything but themselves. I was at a conference once with a well-known author, and we were backstage getting tea. She spilled it all over her skirt, and said, quite naturally and without concern, “Well, would you look at that. Let me get a napkin.” I was so taken aback by her total lack of ego, embarrassment, or any need to make an excuse. Honestly, my admiration for her, which was already quite high, simply grew. (And to be quite honest, it’s in stark contrast to the way I see most people behave backstage at conferences!) It was such a simple little interaction, but it spoke volumes. Her writing comes from that place of deep stillness and self-acceptance. It’s why it’s so good!
Remain natural. Because, of course, the best version of ourselves is the natural one. It’s when we learn to come home to ourselves consistently that we live authentically. Jamgon Kungrul says it’s when we practice with “little fanfare but great effectiveness.” Again, it’s that basic principle of no outrageous conduct.
This week, notice: Where are you trying too hard to get people to see you a certain way? What if you just relax into your own sense of self instead?
