One simple way to describe skillful means is to say it is the art of being compassionately appropriate.

Over the weekend, I attended an intensive training weekend for my spiritual direction program. And wouldn’t you know it, skillful means continually resurfaced as a huge part of our work. (Not specifically of course, but in theory.) This was particularly clear in a conversation we had about…Kleenex.

Yes. Even a tissue box can offer insight.

We were discussing how it’s important to hold the space for someone who is grieving, or having a moment. It’s natural for us to want to comfort them, and hand them a tissue, and rush right along, but it may be wisest to just sit with the fullness of the moment. I can tell you, this is often the absolutely right thing to do. It is not a moment to be interrupted or rushed.

But other times, it actually may be the wisest thing to offer someone a tissue right in the middle of what’s going on. It can be a sign of love and affirmation and comfort, and that may be what someone needs most to feel able to continue.

It requires skillful means to determine which is compassionately appropriate.

I love this simple description for at least two reasons. One, it reinforces that if we practice compassion, it will create so many other things for us. Compassion is the ground and soil for so many beautiful things to grow.

The second reason is because it reminds me that there is no rigid right answer; as with most things, answers are contextual. They depend on the situation, the person, the timing, the soul of the whole thing.

This week, try to spend a day practicing being compassionately appropriate in your words, tone, and responses. See if something shifts.

This post is part of the Paramita Project, where I’m practicing one paramita per month. You can read all my posts on skillful means here.