This may be the most straightforward of all the slogans yet: Don’t malign others. Don’t talk bad about people. Do not criticize them, talk behind their backs, ridicule them. Don’t think the worst about them when you want people to think the best of you. This is a basic lesson in human kindness.
And yet, it’s a needed reminder, isn’t it? Because as much as we want to say we’re mature adults, we probably do this a lot more than we think. Someone criticizes us, or even gently points something out to us, and there we go, finding some little nit-picky rude thing to say as a response. It doesn’t even have to be face to face. Nowadays, we can scroll through social media and just fling jabs and put-downs all over the place at people, whether out loud or in our heads.
The word “malign” seems well-chosen. Because these negative words and comments are malignant. That is, they invade and destroy the health and well-being of others. And not only others, but ourselves also. We kid ourselves if we think we can throw daggers at other people and not have it affect us, too.
Trungpa Rinpoche said that often when we throw shade on others, we do it because we think it will make us look better or more virtuous. In reality, the opposite is true. Even if the other person deserves criticism, the minute we give it, we put ourselves right in the gutter with them, so to speak. If we want to protect our virtue so much, a better defense is to keep our mouths shut. (I always like to add the caveat: this doesn’t mean staying silent on abuse or injustice! I hope you all know that’s never what I mean. This is in the realm of “personal offense” that is not overtly harmful or abusive.)
The truth is, something happens when we malign others. We violate the connection between us, and that connection comes from a holy place. To me, everything in this world that has gone sideways starts when we do something to harm the connection we have with others. If we don’t malign others, far less would go sideways.
If compassion is our goal, we’ll make it a high personal priority that we don’t malign others. Instead, we can choose to build people up, invest in them rather than invade them with negativity. Practice holding your tongue this week. And then, if that seems easy, practice holding your thoughts. See if you can foster more compassion than derision this week.
