This lojong slogan can be simplified to say: don’t seek joy in the pain of others. Jamgon Kungtrul says “don’t look to profit from sorrow.” Norman Fischer translates it as “don’t rejoice at other’s pain.” However you say it, the intention here is to have compassion on others rather than looking to benefit from their suffering.

This is the last slogan in this section focusing on relationships. When we focus on health in our interpersonal relationships, we spend a lot of time looking at our motives and intentions (like with the last two phrases). But we also look at where we’re fostering ill will. That’s where this slogan comes in.

When we don’t like someone, we might find it easy to feel prideful or even glad when something bad happens to them. We may gloat. Sometimes we even relish in it, feeling they deserve it. Whether that’s true or not, our focus here is on US. Do we want to cultivate happiness in the suffering of others? Where does that lead?

The “limbs of our own happiness” here aren’t particularly strong. They’re fleeting, and they’re also flimsy. If it’s happiness we’re after, finding it in others’ pain is probably the worst way to go about it.

Also? It’s not particularly honorable, is it? What makes us any different from those who profit off others’ pain, or actively seek to cause it? Any time we find suffering a source of happiness we’ve probably lost our way. So- as always, how can we come back home?

I tend to begin by remembering that this person- whether I like them or not- is a beloved child of God. This person has basic human goodness. Every human deserves to be treated with dignity. And maybe that’s most especially true when they don’t particularly deserve it. The truth is, the best way for us to honor the dignity in each of us is to protect the dignity in all of us.

If you find you’re turning toward gloating in someone’s suffering, take a moment and see if you can find that soft place of compassion in your heart.