Pema Chodron tells the story of a student who, when hearing the teaching on this lojong slogan, thought the teacher said, “Drive all things into Juan.” Understandably, the student was confused, wondering: Who’s Juan? And what did that guy ever do wrong?!
This funny little misunderstanding offers us such a comedic insight into the idea of blaming others. Really, it doesn’t make any sense. And yet, we’re always looking out for what Pema Chodron calls “our Juans and Juanitas”- those people and things on which we want to outsource blame. There is no Juan. (Get it?! No one?!)
It’s you, beloved.
Chodron writes, “How are we doing with our Juan and Juanitas? Often they’re just the people with whom we have the most intimate relationships. They really get to us because we can’t just shake them off by moving across town or changing seats on the bus, or whatever we have the luxury of doing with mere acquaintances, whom we also loathe. It doesn’t mean, instead of blaming other people, blame yourself. It means to touch in with what blame feels like altogether.”
She continues, “Instead of guarding yourself, instead of pushing things
away, begin to get in touch with the fact that there’s a very soft spot under all that armor, and blame is probably one of the most-perfected armors that we have. You can take this slogan beyond what we think of as ‘blame’ and practice applying it simply to the general sense that something is wrong. When you feel that something is wrong, let the story line go and touch in to what’s underneath.”
When we get in touch with whatever’s underneath the blame, and the fear of carrying the blame, we learn something. Perhaps we become aware, at least, of our hot-button issues, and maybe even what drives those. This doesn’t mean we have to change those, necessarily. A lot of times, they’re healthy! But we can be aware enough to know when they’re driving our emotional machinery.
Where do you notice your own tendency to drive all things into Juan? How can you redirect that blame inward, and let it teach you something?
