The third aspect of Right Action is to abstain from sexual misconduct. In other words, act with love, not possession.

And don’t we know it after the last few years of #metoo, when so many have started to realize how widespread it has been for men to act with power and not consent. Obviously, this precept forbids any violent sexual attack. But it also prohibits any encounter where a power dynamic could be problematic. Whether that means you hold a position of authority, or whether it’s an issue of age, maturity, or morality (infidelity or incest), all sexual acts require trust and reciprocity.

That’s because sexual misconduct undermines trust and fidelity. It breaks connection, rather than forging it. And that’s not only true for the person who is exploited. It’s also true for the person doing the harm. Misconduct damages relationships and people, and sometimes, as we’ve seen this past year, even systems. (Sometimes, those systems need toppling, and good riddance.)

Whether it’s in a Buddhist sangha or a Christian church, we’ve heard so many stories of religious authority figures being guilty of sexual misconduct. The amount of pain it causes is vast and far-reaching. If we want to practice Right Action, we will need to hold these figures accountable, listen and support the victims, and find better ways to prevent it occurring again.

I’m not sure I’ve seen a great example of this yet. I still hope for it. I’m sad we’ve had this many opportunities and have so far struck out. But I don’t want to be too pessimistic. I’ve also seen a lot of good change arise. And so many people have become more aware of the problem. We can pursue Right Action in our society. We just need to muster the will to keep listening and learning and doing the hard work of change.

In the simple words of Bhante Gunaratana, any sense of a “predatory attitude” has to go.

Instead, what if we tried to look at our relationships not through the lens of possession, but love? What if we worked toward making every decision mutual and consensual?

How can you choose the ways of love over possession this week?

This post belongs to my series on the Eightfold Path. Read all my posts on Right Action here.