In this final post on practicing Right Speech, I want to talk about noble silence. Noble silence is a term used originally to describe when the Buddha simply refused to answer what he considered unanswerable or unknowable questions. (Contrast this to the endless blather we often give to these same questions. Silence sounds like a much better idea!) Instead of using words that would be unhelpful, Buddha chose silence instead. Since then, noble silence has also become a practice. On retreat, you often keep silence from the end of dinner until after breakfast the next day. Not because talking is bad, but because listening is better. And there’s something about silence that reveals our need to listen better.
Lama Surya Das says that so much of our language use every day is just an expression of ego. OUCH. But also: OOF. We speak because we want to prove ourselves, defend ourselves, solidify ourselves. We create our identities with our words. The reason teenagers talk so much is because they are working on figuring out who they are, and it takes nearly incessant talking, apparently, to arrive. But some of us never grow out of it. We just keep spinning story after story to create this image of who we are and offer it to others for consumption.
Except that’s not presence. It’s image. And image is the work of ego.
Noble silence helps us practice real presence- both in the world around us and inside ourselves. Noble silence leads to inner silence. Inner silence leads to deep listening. And when we listen deeply, we begin to understand, and respond with compassion. And that’s when things change.
When I first began reading about noble silence, I thought it meant the wise choice to stay silent. It was defined by NOT saying something. In the wisdom of Right Speech, it echoed the advice of Bhante Gunaratana: “Simply refuse to let your anger tell you what to say.” That’s very good advice. But noble silence also means more than that. We choose the fullness of silence, not a sense of emptiness without words.
That’s an important but subtle shift.
Instead of listening in order to talk, we listen in order to understand. Instead of filling the space with words, we focus on the fullness that already exists without our brazen attempts to dominate it. There is an element of Sabbath to this; in the silence, the power of Presence, or Being, simply rests. And we rest in it.
Silence brings presence. It births heightened awareness. It offers us the opportunity to cultivate patience by learning to tolerate when people blame, criticize, or lash out at us before doing the exact same thing right back. If the key to practicing Right Speech is mindfulness, noble silence has to be part of how we get there. Only when we stop talking long enough to notice our patterns can we possibly start becoming mindful about what and where to change.
This silence is noble because it brings us dignity, and wholeness. When I learned to meditate, I was taught always to sit upright and take my seat nobly. We hold our space in the world, but we don’t shove. We don’t force. There’s a presence beyond us that doesn’t require ego or words. That’s the energy we find, and if we’re lucky, share as we go about our day.
I know it’s Thanksgiving today. Maybe you’re up early taking a moment to read emails before you enter into the noise and bustle of this day. Maybe you’ll have some moments where the advice to simply refuse to let your anger/frustration/sadness tell you what to say is the absolute best form of silence for you today. Be proud that holding your tongue and practicing your patience is high-bar mindfulness training. Do your best and let the rest go.
And maybe you also can take just a moment, even in the busyness of it all, to breathe deep and look around at all that is. Just take it in and be present to it. And find some small space to be grateful for something- for the fact that you’re alive, for love, for food, for a quick exit plan, whatever. Drop your ego for a moment and just let the fullness of the silence communicate something valuable to you. The world is imbued with inherent dignity and sometimes when you are silent you can see it and even feel it within you. It resides within you, too.
I give thanks to all of you who travel with me on this little Soul Ninja journey. See you next week, as we begin the next step: Right Livelihood.
This post belongs in a series on walking the Eightfold Path. You can read all my posts on November’s practice of Right Speech here.
