When we practice upaya, or skillful means, it’s a lot like tending to a garden.

Each seed or plant has different needs- some need full sun, and some wither in full sun. Some love lots of water, and some just want a few drops. I have a gardening friend who says you have to learn the love language for your plants if you want them to thrive. And you can’t find their love language if you’re not tuned into what they need.

Gardening requires a hefty dose of intuition, which is why I imagine it’s used as a metaphor for skillful means. All of these tools, all of these fertilizers and foods and remedies at your disposal! And your role as the gardener is determining when to use which one.

Zen teacher Robert Aitken says that when we practice skillful means, “we learn better how to take things to heart- and how to act accordingly.” I love this phrase “take things to heart.” It implies tuning in, paying attention, listening well. Much like my gardening friend said, it’s the art of learning someone or something’s love language. How are they loved best? Under what conditions of care will they most thrive?

I’ve had more than a few moments this month when practicing skillful means has felt a tiny, tiny bit oppressive. When you start paying attention to how you’re applying (and not applying) your embodied wisdom to your actual embodied life, you can quickly rack up a long list of gaps and hypocrisies. Embodying that wisdom is such a long journey in and of itself; and then you realize, wow, I haven’t even begun to apply this as well as I’d like! It can be disheartening.

So this week, I’m resting in this call to take things to heart. It’s a great place to start. When we bring things to our heart, we already change our relationship to it. It becomes a heart matter, rather than a head matter, or an outside matter, or an unknown matter. When we take it to heart, our heart can soften, and open a little wider.

Skillful means acts from the embodiment of wisdom. It’s not a shallow or pre-arranged response. It isn’t mimicry. It’s not rules and regulations. It’s a matter of heart. Skillful means grows not from knowledge, but wisdom. It calls to our hearts and souls and asks to flourish in our flesh and bones and blood. When we embody skillful means, we become more fully and wonderfully human.

And that almost always begins in the heart.

What can you take to heart this week?

This post is part of the Paramita Project, where I’m practicing one paramita each month. You can read all my posts on upaya, skillful means, here.