Pema Chodron reminds us that tonglen, the practice of taking in pain and sending out light, relief, and peace, can happen right in the middle of our day. At any moment, we can respond to the suffering we see by breathing it in, and sending out peace.
Sometimes, it’s the only thing we can do.
As I said in the last post, the practice of tonglen is not for the faint of heart. Sitting down to do a focused practice requires groundedness and openness. Because tonglen asks us to receive the very things we often want to keep farthest from us, the practice can really rattle us. Most of us need to do this under the guidance of a teacher who will ensure we stay centered. At no point should tonglen feel like an unhealthy laying down of boundaries. Sometimes, we simply cannot allow certain things in and attempt to transform them.
Which is why Chodron’s approach of “tonglen on the spot” feels so much more accessible. We don’t have to take in the pain of the whole world. Just this moment offers us enough. And when we allow ourselves to send light and ease into a tense moment, it benefits us as well as those around us.
When you find yourself in a difficult conversation or a tense moment, you can take the next breath to breathe it in and then send out some gentleness. If you feel particularly struck by a headline, spend the next minute breathing in your concern. Become aware of that pain, and then send out your breath like a prayer of compassion. When you feel grief or regret welling up inside, let it all the way in, and then breathe out lovingkindness.
Tonglen teaches us that our defensiveness against the pain of the world won’t save us from experiencing pain. Often, it simply makes us take it out on others in unhealthy ways. Traleg Kyabgon says, “The understanding that hurting others to protect ourselves is quite destructive to ourselves is the fulcrum of mind training practice.”
In other words, running away from pain fixes nothing. The way forward in suffering comes through compassion. We learn to cultivate a heart that wants all to be free of suffering.
