The 44th lojong slogan is “Train in the three difficulties.” The first is noticing where you get neurotic. Second, you decide not to respond in the usual way. And third, you continue practicing this little dance.
I like this slogan because it’s a nice little summary of mind training in general. The first step is always awareness. We begin to recognize when we’re doing things just out of habit. And usually, out of bad habit! The minute we have that awareness, things can begin to shift. We can decide to change! We realize we don’t have to do the same old thing over and over again. And then, of course, we just keep doing this over and over again. Because we’re human. And being human means not being a robot who can simply be programmed to do the right thing every time.
Of course, the million dollar question is: how do I become aware of where I’m neurotic? The whole point of a neurotic habit is that we have no conscious awareness of it. How’s that supposed to change?! Well, by inquiry and intention, mostly. Nothing is guaranteed, but the minute you decide to look for them, you’ve already set yourself up for a much better chance of finding something.
The traditional answer to this is meditation. In meditation, we get a front row seat to our mind’s daily gymnastics. Over time, we can notice patterns we simply couldn’t see before. We realize we always feel angry when we think of a certain situation. Or we get anxious any time this person comes up in our thoughts. Normally, we walk around and let these thoughts just fly through our heads. But when we stop and meditate, we listen in. And that can give us some very good clues about how our energy gets clumped up around certain triggers.
Once we realize that, we can notice the habitual way we respond to those triggers. Why am I always short tempered with that guy at work? What’s the deal with me being so clingy about this project? Why did that person’s words hurt my feelings so much? All of this introspection can really help us discover our “three difficulties.”
I like how Pema Chodron explains the third step as “make this practice a way of life.” Just let it be a rhythm for you. Don’t go in thinking you’re going to get perfect or weed everything out. That’s not even the point, really. It’s not a goal. It’s a way of life. That’s why I chose this picture of three coffee cups with varying levels of cream. It’s just about slowly bringing a little more light into those habits. It’s not about getting rid of the coffee cup completely!
How can you work with the three difficulties this week?
