The twentieth lojong slogan says, “Of the two witnesses, hold the principle one.” In other words, trust yourself.
Here, the two witnesses are you, and other people. Sometimes we base our understanding of ourselves on what other people say about us. Sometimes they’re right. But sometimes, they aren’t. At the end of the day, only we can say what we’re really like. As Norman Fischer explains, “The actual inner climate of what it’s like to be the unique person that you are is unknown to every other person. And that’s why, in the final analysis, only you can evaluate and understand your own practice.”
In my work, this is an absolutely holy and central understanding. As a spiritual director, it is never my place to tell someone what I think God/Source/Divine is up to in their lives; I merely ask questions and point the way and make suggestions. But it is up to each person to decide what feels right, what has meaning, what makes sense. It’s the same in dream work. The cardinal rule we learn in working with other people’s dreams is that they are the sole decider on what their dreams mean. You can’t tell someone, “Oh, the X in your dream means Y.” You can offer suggestions for what symbols might mean, what associations you see, but only the dreamer can say with certainty what makes sense. Because they’re the only ones who know!
Of course, this doesn’t mean we don’t receive feedback from others. Especially criticism that makes us feel particularly defensives! Sometimes other people have to be our mirrors, too, and point out what eludes our own gaze. But again, the way we discern what criticism demands to be heard is by going within. As Traleg Kyabgon says, we make “a genuine and heartfelt self-assessment of who we really are.” Genuine. Heartfelt. We get honest with ourselves.
And then, we trust what we find to be true.
What I love about this is that when we practice it well, it offers us equanimity. We receive a compliment, and we have to say, “Hmm, is that really true?” And we let go of the excess. And when we’re criticized, we ask, “Hmm, is that true?” Whatever doesn’t feel right, we let it go and move on. If we do this, we end up being pretty even-keel on the inside. We don’t let others impact our sense of self quite as dramatically.
This week, consider taking a genuine and heartfelt assessment of who you are. Listen well. And then, trust yourself.
